Straw Hat Critter Christmas
by Emma Iveli
Summary: South Park crossover. While in a forest near Christmas, Luffy befriends some woodland critters. However not all is what it seems, Luffy makes some huge mistakes, now he must fix them to save Christmas and maybe even the whole world. Please R&R.
1. Luffy meets the Christmas Critters

A/N: Well it's time for my annual Christmas fanfic, I wasn't sure if I would do one this year then this idea popped into my head, if you not a South Park fan, don't worry, this fic will not contain any main characters and the first chapter may seem overly cute but it gets better by the end of chapter 2. And to those who are, it's a lot different than the episode from South Park as Luffy is willing to help them (unlike Stan) and will actually fight in this fic. I won't say who's in Kyle's role, that's going top be a surprise... as for other changes. Also there are two narrators in this fic, me (denoted with nothing) and the traditional Christmas Narrator (denoted with speech like /This/), since I'm a girl use a female voice the normal narrator while the Christmas narrator should be a male with a British accent. Enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or South Park, if I did I'd be rich, famous and extremely sick person... not that I'm already am for writing this fic.

Luffy: O.o What do you mean by that?

Me: That's for me to know and for you to find out.

Straw Hat Critter Christmas

By Emma Iveli

Chapter 1: Luffy meets the Christmas Critters

/One day just a few days near Christmas on an island that's always winter. A little boy in a Straw Hat was walking along./

"What who said that?" asked Luffy who then shrugged.

/As he walked he came across several animals building a Christmas tree, there was Squirrely the Squirrel, Rabbity the Rabbit, Beavery the Beaver, Beary the Bear, Porcupiney the Porcupine, Skunky the Skunk, Foxy the Fox, Deery the Deer, Woodpeckery the Woodpecker, Mousey the Mouse, Raccoony the Raccoon and Chickadee-y the Chickadee./

"Where does that voice keep coming from?" asked Luffy, "Hey there look animals that's a nice tree!"

"You really think so?" asked Rabbity the Rabbit.

"Of course!" said Luffy.

"We need help we don't have a star." Said Foxy the Fox.

"I'll make one for you!" said Luffy.

/The boy in the Straw Hat took out paper from his pocket… where he got the paper nobody knew. And he made them the best star he could…/

"Is this good?" asked Luffy holding up a badly made star.

"That doesn't looks as good as it should." Said Squirrelly the Squirrel.

"Your right it doesn't…" said Luffy.

Luffy made another one, it still didn't look that like a star…

"I'm not that very good at crafts." Said Luffy as the animals laughed with him.

7 tries later…

"I think I got it right this time!" said Luffy holding up a green clover, a pink heart and a yellow moon.

"That's not right." Said Mousey the Mouse.

"But it's Magically Delicious." Said Foxy the fox.

With that joke everyone shared at a laugh… god I hate the Leprechaun…. I really do.

/Who are you/

I'm the second narrator/ author… I'm your back up and also your boss so I say what goes.

/Oh okay, well the Boy in the Straw Hat tried several more times/

"I think I got it right this time!" said Luffy holding up a menorah.

"This is Christmas Silly." Said Deery the Deer.

"Oh yeah… sorry, I forgot what I was making." Said Luffy.

Luffy and the Critters once again shared a laugh.

After a few more tries Luffy finally made the perfect star and the Christmas Critters placed it on their tree.

"Thanks!" said al the Critters.

"Your welcome." Said Luffy, "I'm Luffy by the way!"

"Thanks Luffy!" said all the critters as Luffy walked away.

/That night The Night the Boy in the Straw Hats, slept peacefully in his hammock as sugar plumbs danced in his head… who the hell writes this crap./

I do… I'm not that good at writing rhyming schemes…. It's not my strong point.

/I can see that./

I'll take over for now, Luffy snored and talked in his sleep, "Meat (snore)… meat (snore)… King of the Pirates (snore)… meat (snore)… I'll kick your ass (snore)…"

That's when the Critters came into the room and woke up Luffy.

"Luffy!" they al said.

"Huh! What!" said Luffy waking up, "Hey guys! What's up!"

"Porcupiney is pregnant!" said Foxy the Fox.

"The conception was immaculate." said Squirrely the Squirrel.

"She's going to give birth to our lord and savor!" said Rabbity the Rabbit.

"Really that's great!" said Luffy, "But why are you telling me?"

"We need someone to help us build a manger… we can't have our savor sleep anywhere else but a manger." Said Chickadee-y the Chickadee.

"Of course I'll help!" yelled Luffy.

"Luffy get some sleep!" muttered Sanji who looked up and saw the Critters, "That or leave and take those overly cute animals with you!"

"Okay!" said Luffy.

/So Boy in the Straw Hats and the Critters left the ship and went back to the forest where he helped build them a manger but like with the Star… he wasn't very good/

Try 1

The Manger fell apart the moment Luffy finished it.

Try 2

Same thing happened…

Try 5

The moment Luffy finished, it burst into flames.

"I don't think that was supposed to happen…" said Luffy with a sweat drop.

Try 16

They managed to build something correctly, but it wasn't a manger.

"Um… Luffy, isn't that a racecar bed?" asked Woodpeckery the Woodpecker.

"Hey is it… my bad…" said Luffy with a laugh looking at the racecar bed, he looked at then yelled "Mine!"

Try 22

Luffy was breathing heavily, he had managed to build a manger.

"Hurray!" cheered the Woodland Critters.

"Now Porcupiney can give birth!" said Beary the Bear.

That's when there was a loud roar that scared the critters.

"What was that?" asked Luffy.

"That was the mountain lion, every times one of is pregnant with our savor the mountain lion comes down from the mountain to eat her." Said Deery the Deer.

"What!" yelled Luffy, "That mountain lion must be evil!"

/What the boy in the Straw Hat didn't know was that…/

Shut up! You're going to spoil it for those who haven't seen that South Park episode.

/Wait this is based on a South Park episode?/

Yuhi you didn't know? Didn't you read the A/N and disclaimer?

(The narrator looks at the author note and remembers)

/Oh right sorry… just ignore this Boy in the Straw Hat!/

"Oh, okay." Said Luffy with a shrug.

Luffy looked at the Woodland Critters, "I'll kill that mountain Lion for you! So that you can give birth to your savor!"

"Hurray!" said all the critters.

"Where I the Mountain Lion?" asked Luffy.

"It lives on that mountain!" said Mousey the Mouse.

"You think you can kill it?" asked Deery the Deer.

"OF course I can!" said Luffy giving the big smile.

Luffy headed towards the mountain, along the way, he ran into a little girl.

"Hell there! I was wondering if you could open my lunch box for me!" said the girl.

"Sorry I can't! I have to kill a mountain lion!" said Luffy.

The little girl growled and walked away.

/What was that about?/

Well I'm helping out a friend with one of his fics, all I'm going to say look for that little girl in a couple more of my stories and read stories by winter knight.

/Um… okay, anyway, the Boy in the Straw Hat got to the mountain and saw the Mountain Lion./

"I'm not going to let you hurt those critters anymore." Said Luffy.

And with that the fight with the mountain lion begins!

Next Time: Luffy fight the Evil Mountain Lion... after he kills it he realizes many horrible things and not all is what they seem to be... what is it? Find out next time!


	2. Luffy VS the Mountain Lion

A/N: This chapter was hard to write, due to two reasons. One was that I'm not good at fighting scenes, the other... well read on, just please don't bash me for it.

Chapter 2: Luffy VS the Mountain Lion

Luffy headed towards the Mountain to fight the lion… if he killed the lion is would be an accident, and nothing more, sure he said he might kill it, and I might have mentioned that he was going to kill the lion but I did not intend into to be that way.

/Wow, you're a terrible author if you made that mistake/

Shut up you! I made a mistake a one-time mistake…

/Well still you're a terrible author/

I wonder how many people would disagree with you, I wonder.

/Well you mostly write dialogue and not enough detail./

Shut up, if you don't you should know that since I created you, I can destroy you.

/Shutting up./

Well anyways Luffy got to the Mountain to fight the mountain lion.

"Weren't I already there?" asked Luffy.

/See terrible author/

I can destroy you! (Coughs) Anyways, Luffy stared at the mountain lion. This was going to be a big fight.

"You really think you can continue to eat the critter's you're not going to get away with that." Said Luffy.

/What the boy in the Straw Hat didn't realize was that this was a mountain lion and it didn't talk … or did it?/

Not now… Anyways the Mountain Lion glared at Luffy and Luffy glared back. Luffy punched the Mountain Lion in the face using Gum Gum Pistol, which knocked it down. The mountain lion got up and bit Luffy with it huge teeth on his arm.

"Why you…" muttered Luffy.

Luffy managed to open the Mountain Lion's mouth and got his arm out, Luffy then countered with Gum Gum Spear… then slammed it into a wall. Luffy nursed his injured arm for a minute but then turned back to the Mountain Lion.

"Ha! Take that you evil tiger!" said Luffy.

It's a mountain lion!

"Okay! Take that you mountain lion." Said Luffy.

The mountain Lion once again got up, it glared at Luffy and Luffy glared back. The two of them are in a glaring contest.

/Are you trying to fill this out?/

Hey it's hard to come up things for this fight. Plus I'm very tempted to play my Wii right now. My arm hurts little but the Bowling and Baseball games it came with are addictive.

/You have a Wii? You're kidding right?/

Nope I got one, it was pure luck… really… Though I have yet to get anymore games other than the game it came with… you know the Sports game.

/Damn… you are Lucky. So what's going to be your second game?/

Probably Pokemon, I want to get that Naruto game but my mom works for Viz so she'll probably get it for me.

"Um… can we get back to the story?" asked Luffy.

Oh, right, sorry. Anyways Luffy used Gum Gum Gattling Gun on the Mountain Lion who was once slammed into a wall. Mountain Lion got up and pounced on Luffy. It bared it's teeth at Luffy.

"You're not going to eat me!" yelled Luffy.

He kicked the mountain Lion off him, the mountain lion got up and was about to pounce on him again, Luffy dodge. He turned around used Gum Gum Whip on the Lion, knocking it off the cliff. Luffy looked below and saw it landed hard on to the ground below. He climbed down and saw that it's breathing had stopped.

"Sorry…" said Luffy, "I didn't' want to kill you…"

/the Boy in the Straw Hat turned around and saw a cave, inside the cave were three little mountain lion cubs, now orphaned because he killed their mother./

"Oh no…" whispered Luffy.

"Why did you do it…" said one of the orphaned cubs.

"Hey look a monkey!" said Luffy.

Luffy pointed to a monkey, the Monkey turned back towards Luffy and pointed back menacingly.

/Really the evil Monkey?/

I already decided that much like all my other Christmas Fics this going have Crack in it, last years didn't have that much in it, but the year before that… that was pure crack just like this one is going to be. There's going to be cameos form other things, like last chapter with Dora and I'm planning one that's really funny for an upcoming chapter.

/I see./

The cubs gasped at the monkey, when they were distracted Luffy took his leave. He wasn't happy.

"I can't believe it had cubs." Said Luffy.

Luffy walked back his head down, the song Christmas Time is here. In the background two man carried a sorry looking Christmas Tree while a dog laid on top of it's house.

/Is that a Charlie Brown joke?/

Yes but I stole it from Arrested Development, there's an episode called Good Grief and one of the characters walked that way while pressed and walked passed those things.

/I've never seen that show./

A lot of people haven't... and so Luffy got back to the Woodland and gave the Critter's the good news.

"I killed the Mountain Lion." Said Luffy with sorrow filling his voice for orphaning the three cubs.

"Really?" asked Squirrelly the Squirrel.

"Yes…" said Luffy.

/All the Christmas Critters cheered! And with a great cheer they all shouted…/

"Hail Satan!"

/The boy in the Straw Hat stared at his new friends with great confusion/

"Did you just say "Sail Satan?" asked Luffy.

Bet you didn't except that, huh? Well unless you saw that South Park episode… now if you excuse me, I got to go Wii.

/Lucky bastard…/

Next Time: Luffy discovers his new friends are not only Satanists but also that they going to give birth to the Anti-Christ... will Luffy be able to fight the evil Satanic Critters, or will he fail? Find out next time!

A/N: Yes, I did get a Wii yesterday, I was at the mall Christmas shopping when I saw a line at a Game Stop kiosk, I asked what the line was for and they said the Wii. So I got one, I really wnated one. So the next few days I might not be updating for a to be able to update anything... but I'll try.


	3. Hail Satan!

Chapter 3: Hail Satan!

Luffy stared at the Critters, he was shocked, utterly shocked. He would have never guessed they were Satanists.

"Wait! You believe in Satan?" asked Luffy.

"Of course we Satanists… our savoir is the Anti-Christ." Said Squirrely the Squirrel.

"But I thought your savoir was god's child." Said Luffy who began to twitch all over.

"Do you really think go would screw with a Porcupine?" asked Beary the Bear.

"What does screw a Porcupine mean?" asked Luffy.

/So you're really going for Luffy doesn't know anything where babies come from/

Hey its' funny and a classic! Seriously, you have to admit that.

"So since you helped us how would you like to be the host of the Anti-Christ when he needs a new body?" asked Beary the Bear.

"No way! I'm going to undo this mess and kill your Porcupine!" yelled Luffy.

"Silly… you can't do that." Said Deery the Deer.

All their eyes began to glow red… three horrifying demons appeared. Luffy smirked at this… this was going to be fun.

"Gum Gum Pistol!" yelled Luffy launching his punch towards the demons.

However the demon caught Luffy's arm and threw him into a tree. Another demon took out an ax and was about kill Luffy with it. Luffy grabbed onto the tree and dodged using Gum Gum Rocket.

"That was close!" yelled Luffy.

But the Demon cut the down the tree. Luffy got down the ground and smirked. He pumped his leg in a certain motion. His skin turned red and appeared to be steaming for this was gear 2. He smiled "Gum Gum Jet Gattling!"

Luffy shot rapid fire punched that was so fast that all that was seen was a strange shaped in the air that looked like a Gattling Gun. All the demons were destroyed with this attack.

"Oh no! He's not a good candidate for the Anti-Christ, if he takes into his body he'll explode!" said Chickadee-y the Chickadee.

/Nice idea, using what happens to Devil eaters if they eat two./

Thanks…

"No… I'm going get you…" said Luffy still in Gear 2.

"We'd like to see you try." Said Rabbity the rabbit.

All of their eyes once again glowed red and black flames appeared and they were…

/Wait a second… isn't this a Jutsu from Naruto/

I needed a way for Luffy to loose against them and Amaterasu is the only way I know how. Now as I was saying these black flames were intense, so intense in fact that Luffy could get though them.

"What is this!" yelled Luffy, "I can't do this… their too powerful" he thought.

The flames vanished and the critters laughed, "Yay! Hail Satan!"

"Let's celebrate!" yelled Rabbity, "I'll be the sacrifice!"

Rabbity gave up his life and they brutally disemboweled him.

"Hey!" cheered Foxy the Fox, "Let's have a blood orgy."

Luffy slowly began to walk away backwards as he saw what was going on… needless to say he mentally scared for life. He walked all the way to the Thousand Sunny backwards. And sat down deck… and began to shiver.

"Geez Luffy." Said Usopp with Chopper walking towards him, "It looks like he just unwittingly help satanic critters to destroy their enemy, discovered their true intentions then saw them sacrifice one of their own afterwards they performed a blood orgy."

"How did you know?" asked Luffy.

"I'm right?" asked Usopp surprised, "Why of course I'm right."

"What happened?" asked Chopper.

Luffy the told tale of chapter 1, 2 and the first half of chapter 3.

/Am I going to do any narration anymore?/

It's looking doubtful… very doubtful.

"Then they used Amaterasu on me, I gave up… and then they sacrificed the rabbit… and you know what happens from there." Said Luffy.

"You should figure out of how to get rid of the anti-Christ." Said Usopp.

"I have an idea." Said a fat black and white woman, "why don't you just push that porcupine down some stairs!"

The threw of them looked at the strange woman, "Hello cow!" said Luffy.

"Did you say that the Mountain Lion had cubs?" asked Usopp.

"Oh yeah!" said Luffy, "Maybe we should if they can kill her."

"We'll help!" said Chopper.

"I don't know… my I-don't-want-to-fight-satanic-critters disease is acting up." Said Usopp.

Chopper and Luffy looked at each other then grabbed Usopp.

"Hey aren't you going to listen to me?" asked the cow like woman.

"Bye cow!" yelled Luffy.

(Confessional)

"I can believe that idiot rubber man not only didn't listen to my advice… but also called me a cow! I am sick and tired of assholes calling me a cow!"

Hey! This isn't a fanfic of your show! If and when I do a fanfic on your show then I'll do it… but now's not the time!

/Anyways, the boy in the Straw Hat, his reindeer friend and cowardly sharpshooter searched for the little cubs. They managed to find them in their den./

"Hi…" sad Luffy nervously, "I wanted to apologize for killing your mom… I didn't mean to."

"Why did you do it?" asked one of the cubs.

"A bunch of critter's told she was evil." Said Luffy who began to laugh nervously, "They turned our to be Satanists."

"You were fooled by critters mister then you must be an idiot" said another of the cubs.

"You have no idea." Said Chopper with a sigh.

"The cubs are talking…" said Usopp who was the only who realized that animals (unless they ate some sort of Devil Fruit) shouldn't be talking.

/That's a good one…/

Thanks… I thought it was pretty funny.

"I was also hoping you could hunt the porcupine so she won't give birth." Said Luffy

"We can't hunt." Said the third mountain lion cub.

"Our claws and teeth and sharp enough." Said the mountain lion cub.

"And we don't know how to hunt!" said another of the cubs.

"Because you killed our mom…" muttered the first cub.

"I said I was sorry… sheesh!" said Luffy, "I need you to take out the unborn Anti-Christ."

/That's when the cubs got a marvelous idea./

"Why don't we learn how to perform an abortion." Said the first cub.

No! No! No! You are not going to that scene.

/Wait… I heard you are pro-choice!/

I am pro-choice… but, that little too sick for my tastes! Sure I do find some jokes funny like the "My mommy had an abortion" joke from Scrubs… that one was funny and cute… but this is too sick, I'm not going to have them go to abortion clinic or have Chopper teach them about it.

"Ewww…" responded Chopper.

No abortion… but rather Usopp got a better idea.

"I have a better idea!" said Usopp, "I know how to kill that baby."

And so Usopp lead them to a…

"Bar tender school?" asked everyone else.

That's right a bartending school!

/Is Zoro going to be in Kyle's role?/

I'm not going to say.

Next Time: Luffy, Usopp and Chopper takes the Cubs to bar tender school so they can hope to kill the unborn Anti-Christ... meanwhile the Critters find a good host for the Anti-Christ... and it's a member of the Straw Hats! Who is it? Find out next time!


	4. Bartending School

A/N: Okay second to last chapter! I haven't been able to say in a while, not since New Lives: Outers Awaken, which was on a terrible releases schedule, I promise that it won't have that bad of a release schedule... I promise, the last chapter will be soon, read on to learn when I plan to update it... also there's mentions of Chopper's birthday, I hope you like that too...

Chapter 4: Bartending School

That's right, a bartending school…

/You already said that…/

I was just catching people up… geez…

"So we're going to kill the baby with alcohol… isn't that usually a slow process?" asked Luffy.

Everyone stared at Luffy.

"Oh my god… he said something smart!" yelled Usopp.

Luffy only laughed, "Well I guess we can just teach them anyway…" he said.

"Let's go learn how to make drinks." Said the Cubs.

And everyone cheered.

They went into the school, which was just like a bar.

"Hi I'm Pro. Duffman…" said the man who looked to be ether a bartender or a teacher, probably a teacher as he used Professor before his name.

"Wow you're Duff Man?" asked Chopper.

"No… Duffman is my name…" sighed Pro. Duffman.

"Hi, we're trying to teach these cubs how to bar tend." Said Luffy.

"Why?" asked Pro. Duffman, "Then again I don't really care… after all talking animals is normal for this island…"

And so they learned how to make drinks for everyone...

Talking animals…

"Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry Martini over here?" asked a talking dog.

Dorky doctors…

"One Appletini, easy on the tini" said a man wearing blue doctor scrubs.

/Are you sure that guy's not gay?/

If you don't know the cameo then you don't get the joke...

Guys who just wanted beer.

"One Duff please…" said a bald fat man.

"A Pawtucket Patriot please…" said a differnt fat man with brown hair and glasses.

The two men looked at each other, "You!" the two shouted and then the two began to fight.

"You cubs don't plan to stop bar fights, do you?" asked Pro Duffman.

The cubs shook their heads no…

Pro. Duffman began to stop the fight…

/You don't know much about bartending school… do you?/

No I do not… Meanwhile in the woods everyone's favorite lost boy was lost…

"Where am I now!" yelled Ryoga.

Whoops… I meant lost pirate swordsman…

"Damn it… where is that bar…" muttered Zoro.

That's when the evil satanic woodland critters found him.

"Hello there it's Christmas Eve…" said Squirrelly the Squirrel.

"Yeah and…" said Zoro who was very irritable, "wait isn't' today the 17th…"

Yeah but the last chapter is going to one the 24th… so yeah…

The evil critters chuckled evilly.

"Can you ask us a few questions: what's your religion?" asked Deery the Deer.

"That's none of your business!" yelled Zoro.

"Were you ever baptized…" said Beary the Bear.

"How the heel should I know!" yelled Zoro.

The animals chuckled evilly… that was a good sign.

"Now… have you eaten a Devil Fruit?" asked Chickadee-y the Chickadee.

"No…" said Zoro glaring at the animals.

The critters laughed and began to advance on the swordsman.

"What the!"

It is unknown hat the critters did to the Swordsman, but what is known is what their goal is… for Zoro was chosen to be the host for the Anti-Christ.

/Knew it was him/

Back at the bar tending school, the Cubs got their degrees and were licensed bar tenders.

"Here… now go save the world…" said Pro. Duffman.

"How did you know we were trying to save the world?" asked Luffy.

"Just a guess…" said Pro. Duffman with a shrug.

And so the three cubs and the threw Straw Hats left where the school was…

"Well Luffy I guess you should go destroy the Anti-Christ." Said Usopp.

"What! You're not helping me!" yelled Luffy.

"Hey, we have to go back to the ship… for the Christmas/ Birthday Party…" said Usopp.

"Remember today's my birthday…" said Chopper.

"I remembered." Said Luffy "But why aren't you going to help me?"

"Sorry… we have to go!" yelled Usopp as he and Chopper ran away, the truth was they were scared about the whole evil animal/anti Christ thing…

"So… looks like they're not going to help us anymore…" said the first cub.

"Let's just go…" said Luffy.

And so Luffy and the cubs went back into the woods, they went to find the manger where the Critters were planning to birth the Anti-Christ but when they there they found something horrifying…

/What?/

Sorry end of chapter! Find out in the final chapter on the 24th!

/Damn it!/

Next Time: It's the final between good and evil... the Anti-Christ has been born, Luffy must figure out how to destroy it with the help of the cubs and some unexpected help in order to save Zoro, Christmas and even the whole world! What will happen? Will the anti-Christ take over Zoro's body? Will Luffy save Christmas? Will the evil woodland critter's rule all? Will Chopper's birthday party get ruined in someway by the Anti-Christ? Find out in the conclusion of Straw Hat Critter Christmas!

A/N: I will grantee you that the last chapter will be out on the 24th! I promise! So expect it then... If not I apologize... if not out by then I don't know what I'll do... I'll probably take suggestions of way to make it, up probably write some sort of story that would have been a suggestion or something... but I promise... it will be up on the 24th!

Also, I was thinking of adding during the bar fight where one of the two men (whom I'm sure you know who they are) would bump into the giant chicken, with Luffy almost getting into a fight with him along with one of the two fat men (for obvious reasons of course) but I decided against it in the end, I don't know why, but it would have one in a long line of Giant Chicken jokes.


	5. The Final Battle

A/N: Where's the final chapter as promised... here's an interesting tidbit: I wrote this yesterday and posted it today (I made plans to see a movie with my mom...) well enjoy the last chapter... oh and there's an optional epilogue at the end. Enjoy!

Chapter 5: The Final Battle

Luffy and cubs saw a horrifying site, a red star right above the manger, where an evil creature laid… nearby some hapless sap was tied up to an alter.

"Zoro what are you doing here?" asked Luffy to the hapless swordsman.

"They kidnapped me! That's what they did!" yelled Zoro, "They told me their going to be the Host for that thing!"

"Okay…" said Luffy, "This is bad… they already gave birth to it"

That's when a sleigh pulled by reindeer appeared in the sky, it was none other than Santa Claus! He landed and said "Now can someone tell me why the hell there's a red star in the sky!"

"Sorry it's my bad…" said Luffy, "I sort of let them give birth the anti-Christ…"

"You know… I'm not exactly surprised you helped them…" said Zoro stilled tied the alter.

"Me neither…" said Santa, "I mean you are a pretty big idiot!"

"Hey!" yelled Luffy.

/You know that's actually much funnier than the original/

"Well, there's only one way to get rid of Satanic Critters…" said Santa taking out a shotgun.

The critters once again created fire… but Santa jumped though it and began to shooting the critters one by one in the head.

""Luffy will you stop watching and untie me!" yelled Zoro.

"Oh right!" said Luffy who went over to untie Zoro.

And finally Santa found the final critter… Beary the Bear…

"You're going to hurt me are you Santa?" asked Beary the Bear.

And Santa shot him right though the head.

/You saw it recently… didn't you?/

Yeah, it was on last week and I managed to catch, my dad wanted to watch but he was too tired, anyways…

And with that, the critters were destroyed, however one thing remained…

"So what are we going to do about the antichrist?" asked Luffy.

"Don't worry… it can't live without a human body for long." Said Santa.

"No I changed my mind!" yelled Zoro.

"What?" asked everyone else.

"I want to the Anti-Christ inside me! This way I can beat Mihawk and become to the world's greatest swordsman." replied Zoro.

/Nice one.../

Thanks, it gets better…

"Who do you think you are? Sasuke Uchiha!" yelled an unseen voice.

/Nice…/

Thank you, thank you… anyways.

Zoro walked up to the strange evil creature and absorbed him into his body.

"Now will become the world's greatest swordsman." Said Zoro as strange lighting began to flash.

That's when there was pain going though Zoro's body… something he had never felt before, What the hell is going on!" he yelled.

"It's too late, in a few hours the Anti-Christ's will consume his soul…" said Santa shaking his head.

"That's what he gets for trying to be like Sasuke Uchiha!" yelled the same voice.

""Will you shut up!" yelled Zoro.

"Well I'm sorry to say but I'm going to have to kill him…" said Santa aiming the gun at him.

/So… are you going to follow the South Park episode and reveal it was someone is telling a story or are you just going to continue here?/

Continue, there's going to be an optional epilogue… Anyways…

Santa was about to shoot when Luffy got an idea…

"Will alcohol kill the Anti-Christ?" asked Luffy.

"Maybe… I don't know… why?" asked Santa.

"I have an idea! But Zoro's going to get drunk like he's never got drunk before…" said Luffy with a big smile.

"You know…" said Zoro with a sweat drop, "I'm not even sure if I've ever been drunk before."

"All right cubs! Make Zoro the drinks!" cheered Luffy.

"Hurray!" cheered the cubs.

/And so, the cubs made various drinks for Zoro, many, many drinks... so many drinks, one would loose count… in fact he drank so much he actually got drunk, honest to go drunk/

"You know Luffy…" said Zoro wobbling trying to stand up strait, "You are my best, really, you are my very best friend and I love you!"

That's when he began to vomit… he vomited a lot, so much that the anti-Christ came out. Santa picked up the foul little creature and destroyed it with a sledgehammer.

"Yay! The Anti-Christ is destroyed!" cheered the cubs.

"I don't feel so good…" said Zoro who once again barfed.

"I have this special medicine that helps sober you up…" said Santa taking out pills, "Some the elves invented them, and they work like a charm."

Everyone stared at Santa wondering why he would have such a medicine…

"Look… sometimes on Christmas Eve, Santa needs a pick me up in the form of eggnog… and maybe some beers, and Appletini okay…" said Santa, "After all you would want a drunk man coming into your house at night."

There was an awkward silence… among everyone as Zoro took the pills and they realized that Santa has a drinking problem.

/You know… that would make a weird holiday special…/

The Night Santa got Drunk… it would make an excellent Christmas special… but no…

After the awkward silence was broken Santa asked Luffy, "You've been though a lot, is there anything special you want for Christmas?"

Luffy began to think, "Yes there is…" said Luffy with a smile as he looked at the cubs.

And so Luffy took Santa to where several animals had placed the kind Mountain Lion, Santa used his powers to revive the mountain lion.

"What… what happened?" asked the mountain Lion who was revived.

"Mommy!" said all three mountain lions.

The Mountain Lions went to over the mother and were happily reunited.

"Also…" said Luffy, "I want a big pile of meat, a flame thrower, a toy fire a trunk, a pony…"

Zoro sighed and began to drag Luffy and a strange sack Luffy made him carry away.

"Zoro I wasn't done yet!" whined Luffy.

"Yes you were, and besides we have to get back to Chopper's party…" said Zoro.

And so the two straw hats went back to the Thousand Sunny. Where Sanji kicked Luffy in the head.

"What was for!" yelled Luffy.

"You ate all the food!" yelled Sanji, "We don't have anything for Chopper's birthday."

"Don't worry have some food…" said Zoro lifting up the sack he was carrying.

Sanji grabbed it and saw was in inside… let's just say it was a dead carcasses of certain critters.

"Where did you get these? Asked Sanji.

"Don't ask…" said Luffy and Zoro.

"But why are they wearing clothes?" asked Sanji.

"We said don't ask!" yelled Luffy and Zoro.

And so Sanji cooked up the critters which made a happy dinner for all the Straw Hats… and everyone had a Merry Christmas…

/Except for Santa who was diagnosed with Liver Disease two weeks later/

The End…

Optional Epilogue:

Everyone stared at Usopp who finished his story that he told for Christmas/ Chopper's birthday, the rule was it couldn't' be about him but the story he just told about the critter they couldn't help but to gape at the story that Usopp just told them… after a minute Zoro was the one that said what was on everyone's minds.

"Usopp… how drunk are you?" he asked.

"Not much…" he said… before collapsing from being drunk.

End of Optional epilogue.

A/N: Well that's it...I hope you enjoyed it... my most twisted story to date, I hope you loved and I wish you a Merry Christmas... Just beware of satanic critters...

Merry Christmas!


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